he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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