Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
