let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i think i scared a bird with my dick
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
