You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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