totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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