Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
