Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I want her autograph on my taint
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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