Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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