Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
