he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
