you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
