like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
