you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
