Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
