champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
