i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
