Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
