Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
