FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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