Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
