Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
