If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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