it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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