haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
