I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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