I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
