hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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