i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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