I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
