I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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