You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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