So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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