I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
