God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
