this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
