Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
