sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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