I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
