So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Floor bacon is actually really good
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
