she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
