So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My pussy is not your playground.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
