You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
home. puking in laundry basket.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
