im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
