Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
