Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
