my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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