remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he puts the penis in happiness.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
