The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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