I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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