Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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