I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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