my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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